How can I be with you, when I can’t even be with myself?

“Don’t be so needy.”

Has anyone ever said this to you?

All of us feel deprived at different stages in our life, in different contexts and situations. The intensity may differ but the nature of the emotion remains the same. It is very commonly experienced in relationships, when one ponderously starts depending on the company of the other. The dependency further extends to undefined emotional support and vague approvals.

With time, this neediness gets really overwhelming and takes total control of our life. We spend a significant amount of time pleasing someone else, when that is not what relationships are all about. Insecurity owns us. Insecurity acts like a dictator and makes us do things which are not true to our nature. It isn’t very fulfilling, is it? It is a trap. Happiness becomes conditional and you become powerless. Your well-being is then totally dependent on an external source.

Long story short - Being needy is not a very healthy way of living life.

So, what is the solution?

What can be the practical steps of alleviating this kind of suffering?

While there can be many ways of approaching this, I am going to talk about Meditation.

As you start to meditate, you start making time for yourself. You make an effort to be in your own company. The very action of making time for yourself is powerful!

Your mind has been craving to tell you stories. Be conscious of your being. Make time to hear those stories. Initially, it can get difficult to be alone and it can leave you feeling uncomfortable. But once you start getting more disciplined about this practise, being with oneself gets easier and comforting. As you become more and more aware of your thoughts and experiences, the insecurities, the stress, the suffering starts to settle down.

Simple meditations like breathing meditations give us courage. Open awareness helps us to be aware of our reflections and feelings. With time, we come to realize that observation of the breath has the capability of providing bliss and happiness. Open awareness helps us understand the fleeting nature of things and we get wiser.

With time, one can make a transition from -

“I hope he meets me today, otherwise I will be really sad.”
to

“Hey, maybe I will spend time with myself today.”

Meditation offers that much needed solitude. With time, we understand the futility of depending on the approval of others. The dependence on conditional happiness reduces steadily and we make a move towards a more sustainable form of happiness.

         How can I be with you, when I can’t even be with myself?

Start being “ok” in your company.
Let your self-acceptance bring you happiness and peace.
Be free, be liberated.