It sucks to feel sad and miserable. It really does. The suffering is immense and the pain, unmeasurable. Whenever we get sad, the mind desperately starts looking for ways to push away the pain. So what is a quick fix to get rid of this pain? What is the one thing which brings instant relief? Simple! Blame someone or something else for your pain!
Why is it easy to blame someone else for your suffering?
The mind is smart...or should I say that the ego is smart. Ego wants to protect your image, albeit in your own eyes. Ego is like our own bodyguard. Ego doesn't want us to take the burden of being the cause of that uneasiness. Pushing the responsibility of your misery to some external factor is very tempting. The mind knows that when the blame is pushed to someone or something else, the burden is slightly lightened. The pain finally finds some kind of an outlet. Finally, one can start pushing it away.
Why is not taking responsibility of your own misery a bad idea?
Whenever one decides to blame some other person/persons, the disappointment gets translated into anger. Now that anger will ensure that animosity is developed towards the person who you think has been responsible. This animosity can lead to fights, confrontation, permanent hatred, and in some extreme cases, it can also lead to violence.
But more importantly, the habit of blaming the external factors isn’t allowing you to grow as a person. The next time a similar situation arises, you will react the same way… you are not developing your equanimity with the uneasiness but seeking an easy way out. Instead of a quick fix, a more permanent solution is necessary. It’s similar to taking an aspirin, every time you get a headache. Are you fixing the root cause of the headache?
Take responsibility!
By now, it’s pretty clear what I wish to put forth here. It’s imperative for our own growth that we start taking responsibility for our pain. It is the first step to liberation. You need to develop equanimity, you need to be in a position where you can be okay when such situations arise in the future. How can we develop equanimity when we are not even acknowledging that the cause of the pain lies within? We need to understand that both - happiness and sadness - are inside of us. There is no point blaming external circumstances for it. Now, I am not saying that taking responsibility will instantly convert the unhappiness to joy. But yes, it will indeed be the first step towards liberation from that suffering.
Someone was rude to you. It hurts. It is irrelevant if the rude behaviour was justified or not. Isnt it your fault that even after 3 days you are still upset about it and blaming the person for your misery? You are still living in the past, whereas the person who was rude to you might just be watching re-runs of Modern Family. I am not justifying the behaviour of the person that hurt you, I am also not saying that the situation was fair. The only take-away that I want to give is - Eventually, you have to start taking responsibility of the turmoil happening inside you. Only then can you start dealing with it.
Pushing away the responsibility is easy…. carrying it, isn't. Taking responsibility when you are already going through pain..it's brave..it's courageous. It seems like a difficult thing to do. However, when one takes that step, there is an instant relief. There is an odd sense of peace that takes over. The action of locating the uneasiness inside you, ensures that you dont blame in the outer world for it….which is very relieving. Why? Because the problem is inside! You dont have to move from person to person to seek relief to the pain that you are experiencing! The answer lies within!
As one develops this habit, a very strong wisdom starts developing within you. As this wisdom getting stronger, you become more and more capable of uprooting defilements… you become more equipped at being equanimous even with the most difficult situations. You develop more compassion.
So the next time you feel low….take responsibility.
